


lost souls dancing (and now the lie’s collapsing)

by CassandraStarflower



Series: The Big Reveal [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Multi, Sorry about the amount of tags, This Author Does Not Like Luther/Allison but unfortunately does not write for TUA, Watching the Show, am i anyway?, and say 'you'll see' a lot, bc i need to make sarcastic comments, fay is a stand-in for me, i think this is the third one for this fandom, major character death is what’s in canon, no, or make narration comments in the story, reaction fic, same with the violence, should i be starting a new fic?, should i be working on Fate’s Expose?, there’s an unfortunate amount of incest but only because of canon, this takes place before reggie dies, yes I am, yes absolutely, yes another one, y’know it can get pretty graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-02 20:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18818680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandraStarflower/pseuds/CassandraStarflower
Summary: March 23rd, 2019.Luther Hargreeves has been on the moon for four years.Diego Hargreeves is fighting tonight.Allison Hargreeves is dealing with a divorce and lost custody of her daughter.Klaus Hargreeves is in rehab… again.Five Hargreeves is getting ready to assassinate JFK.Ben Hargreeves… is still following his brother around.Vanya Hargreeves is practicing relentlessly.Reginald Hargreeves is preparing to carry out his final plan.Grace and Pogo are going to help himOr… they’re all gonna get kidnapped by some chirpy blonde girl and forced to watch the future.And maybe, just maybe, stop the apocalypse.





	1. Introduction (AKA The Kidnappings and Little to No Explanations)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Academy Watches](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18577450) by [StannisIsTheOneTrueKing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StannisIsTheOneTrueKing/pseuds/StannisIsTheOneTrueKing). 



> me, jumping into a new fandom with my specialty- watching the show, complete with an edited transcript. I know there’s already two other ‘watching the show’ fics, which are both great and I’ve been reading them.  
> I also know that I should push through writer’s block and finish Fate’s Expose.  
> … but I’m writing it anyway.  
> Disclaimer- do not own TUA or anything. Sorry about the shitty transcripts. Lines may be credited to the wrong character.  
> Some notes:  
> this starts March 23rd for everyone except Five, obviously. He’s from right before he decided to time travel.  
> People included:  
> Reginald Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Five, Ben Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves, Pogo, (no Grace even though I love her), Eudora Patch, and Beaman bc we need someone who’s on the outside. No Dave bc this is pre-series. Also OC Fay, who’s solely here to provide sarcastic commentary. And introduce it all.  
> Title of fic from Bringing it Down by Starset.

March 23rd started out as a normal day for those involved. 

It quickly turned weird. 

The first sign that something was wrong came when Five tried to time travel. (Okay, it wasn’t really March 23rd for him, but…) 

Something was very wrong. 

His powers weren’t working. It was like when he’d first wound up in the apocalypse. 

He would never admit it, but this was when he started to panic. Then he forced his way forward. 

That was when his powers kicked in abruptly. 

But instead of landing in the courtyard of the Academy, he found himself in an empty room, with several couches. 

_ What the hell? _

“Good morning!” a chipper voice piped up from an armchair by the front of the room. Five twitched. 

Glanced down at himself. 

“Shit.” he groaned. He was thirteen again. 

_ Time travel. _

He looked over at the armchair, which was occupied by a blonde girl who was maybe fifteen, wearing a white bodysuit with gold embroidery. He had never seen anything like that. 

“Who are you?” he demanded, reaching for his gun only to find it missing. 

“You can call me Fay.” she replied, which wasn’t an answer. “Oh, and I took your gun. Don’t need you shooting anyone.” 

Five’s eyes narrowed. 

“Your powers won’t work in here, either.”

“How did you-”

Fay shrugged. “Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll gather the rest.”

Five eyed her suspiciously and sat down in one of the armchairs. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luther was just going about his daily routine. 

Diego was sweeping the floor, feeling bored. 

Allison was silently going through legal documents. 

Klaus was listening to music. 

Ben was next to him, listening too. 

Vanya was rehearsing. 

Patch and Beaman were working on a case. 

And Reginald and Pogo were going over the plan. 

And then they… weren’t. 

They were all in a room filled with couches and chairs. They all faced a screen on one wall. Two chairs were already occupied- a blonde girl who was smiling at them with a frankly terrifying grin, and… Five, thirteen years old and essentially pouting. 

“Wha-” Klaus started. 

“Welcome!” the girl chirped. “You can call me Fay! I brought you all here- go ahead and take a seat! There’s enough room for all twelve of us.”

Reginald did a brief count and frowned at her. “There’s only eleven of us.”

“No, there’s twelve.”

Klaus flopped onto the middle of a three-person couch. Ben sat next to him, by the arm. After a moment, Vanya sat on his other side. 

Diego chose an armchair, scowling. 

Luther and Allison exchanged a soft smile and sat on one of the two-person couches. 

Patch and Beaman took the other. 

Reginald and Pogo took the last two armchairs. 

Fay clapped her hands. “Now that we’re all here, an explanation is in order.”

Reginald scowled at her. 

“I brought you all here from two different dates. Five over here is from November 22nd, 1963.” 

The silence that followed this statement was rather impressive. 

“What?” Allison finally managed. Five pouted some more, although if asked he would firmly state that he wasn’t  _ pouting _ , he was scowling. 

“The rest of you are from March 23rd, 2019.” 

“And why did you choose those dates?” Reginald demanded. 

“Well, that’s because that’s when everything kinda goes to shit.” 

“What?” Luther cried. 

Fay blinked at him. “Wow, that’s weird. Um, yeah, and Five is from  _ right _ before he pops up in the show, really, ‘cause that’s where he was when he time-traveled.” 

“ _ What. _ ” 

“I’m gonna show you the future, set in a kind of TV show style. It’ll explain better than me. If you’re here, you either play an important role in the events and can be trusted to not murder other people, or you’re… uh, a normal influence.” 

She paused. 

“I mean, I might need to restrain some people at some point.” 

This statement sounded ridiculous, because she was after all this tiny skinny fifteen-year old, but she had brought them all here. 

“So what’s this show called?” Klaus asked curiously. 

Fay gave him a wicked smile. “The Umbrella Academy.” 


	2. We Only See Each Other At Weddings and Funerals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first episode plays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so glad people like this! Sorry to the person I told this chapter would be out last week. I had a suddenly-busy week, threw up at school, major presentation, etc., and have learned a lesson about promises!  
> Have a funny story- when writing this chapter, I wrote the sentence “Ben frowned.” My lovely autocorrect flagged “frowned” and suggested “drowned” instead. Thanks, autocorrect! I had to add “frowned” to my dictionary.

“Shall we start?” Fay asked, lifting a remote. “First episode is entitled  We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals . Long title, yes, but…” 

Reginald leaned forward slightly, intrigued to see the future. Five straightened, tensing with anticipation. Vanya shrank into herself. The police officers exchanged looks- they were way out of their depth here. 

The episode began. 

_ The scene opens in Russia, in a public pool. An instructor shouts to her water aerobics class in Russian.  _

“What, is this?” Five demanded. 

“Every episode- almost every episode begins in the past, and there are frequent flashbacks throughout.” Fay replied. 

_ Over by a water fountain, a girl and a boy sit on separate benches, exchanging looks and giggles.  _

Reginald frowned. The girl was vaguely familiar. 

_ Someone approaches and drinks from the water fountain. They leave and the boy moves over the the girl’s bench. He tries to kiss her cheek and she giggles and scolds him lightly. A woman knocks on the glass nearby and scolds them.  _

_ After a moment, the girl, giggling, kisses the boy’s cheek quickly and runs to the pool, jumping in.  _

“That’s Vanya’s mother.” Fay informed them. 

Ah, that was why, Reginald decided. 

_ The instructor shouts angrily, blows her whistle, and returns to her class. The boy approaches the pool.  _

_ The girl doesn’t come up.  _

“What happened?” Ben asked, not expecting a response despite her insistence on the numbers. 

“You’ll see.” Fay replied, confusing everyone except Ben and Klaus. 

_ The boy calls her name. “Tatiana!”  _

_ A woman in the pool nudges another woman and points.  _

_ Blood.  _

_ The girl surfaces, belly suddenly swollen.  _

_ She’s going into labor.  _

“Oh!” Ben nodded. “This is 1989, isn’t it?” 

“Must be.” Klaus replied. 

Luther and Allison exchanged a look. Diego frowned. Patch and Beaman stared. Vanya glanced at her brother nervously. Five blinked, having forgotten what it was like when Klaus talked to thin air. Reginald frowned thoughtfully. Pogo looked concerned. Fay beamed and nodded. 

_ Now she’s lying on towels, surrounded by the aerobics class, giving birth. Wailing. The women pat her brow with towels and encourage her. The boy is nearby, being held back from the rest of the group.  _

_ The girl gives one final cry and the baby is born.  _

Vanya blinked at baby her on the screen. 

_ Pogo beings to narrate over images of a ship flying through Moscow. “On the 12th hour of the first day of October 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.” _

Pogo jumped a bit at the sound of his own voice. 

_ A man is walking down a narrow hallways.  _

_ “Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.” _

The Hargreeves siblings nodded along with the familiar story. 

_ Reginald Hargreeves steps into a room. The girl from before is sitting, holding the baby. She looks up at him.  _

_ “Extraordinary!” he exclaims.  _

Vanya flinched. How ironic, that it was  **her** who was appearing now.  **Her** who Reginald called extraordinary, when really she was extra ordinary. 

Fay watched her silently, nodded to herself, and turned back to the screen. 

_ He reaches out and pulls aside a fold of the blanket. “How much do you want for it?”  _

_ The girl stares.  _

“It?” Patch raised an eyebrow in Diego’s direction, then frowned at Reginald, who ignored her. 

Diego just sighed. 

Fay rolled her eyes and muttered something about dehumanization. 

_ The scene cuts to a silent, dark stage. A violin case is opened. The violin is lifted out. Then, “The Phantom of the Opera” begins.  _

“Oooh, the intros!” Fay clapped her hands. 

_ An alarm beeps, a man shuts it off and gets up. Walks down a narrow hallway. Checks a plant. Pulls on a space suit, and exits a small moon station.  _

_ ‘Number One, “Luther”’ appears on the screen as Luther Hargreeves walks out onto the moon. _

“Hey, it’s Luther, on the moon!” Klaus called. Luther rolled his eyes. 

_ Glass shatters as the scene cuts to a home invasion. The robbers are manhandling a man, shouting.  _

_ “Show me where the safe is, or your family's dead! Where's the safe?” _

_ A shadow peers into the house, retreats, and peers in again.  _

“Oh, I wonder who that is.” Patch said sarcastically. 

_ “Just leave us alone!” the man begs as his family watches with fear, tied up on the floor. _

_ The TV is going. “-little bit of rain potentially, later in the week.” _

_ A masked vigilante enters the scene and goes on the offensive.  _

_ “Who is this guy?” a robber asks.  _

_ The words ‘Number Two “Diego”’ appear on the screen.  _

Klaus snickered. Diego glared at him. 

_ The scene cuts back to the violinist, still playing.  _

_ The scene cuts to a woman coming down the red carpet. Cameras flash as reporters take pictures and call out.  _

_ “Over here, over here! There's our sweetheart, Allison!” _

_ “Oh! You're perfect!”  _

_ The words ‘Number Three, “Allison”’ appear.  _

Allison smiled a little. She had a nice introduction. 

_ A new part of the Phantom of the Opera medley begins.  _

_ The scene cuts to a rehab center as a young man hops off of his bunk.  _

_ The words ‘Number Four, “Klaus”’ appear.  _

“Hey, it’s me!” Klaus chirped. Ben sighed next to him. 

“Oh if only the soberiety stuck.” he muttered. Klaus just grinned. 

_ He walks through the room, points at another guy. “Hey, you, stay strong. I believe in you. Okay?” _

_ He points at someone else. “You, not so much.” _

_ They both laugh.  _

_ One of the rehab center workers hands Klaus a chip.  _

_ “Bye, Klaus.” _

_ “We'll see you soon, Klaus. Stay sober.”  _

_ “Mm.” _

“You’re not gonna, are you.” Diego sighed. 

Klaus just shrugged. “Probably not.” he admitted cheerfully. 

_ The scene cuts back to the moon. Luther’s wrist beeps. “Incoming transmission.” _

_ He looks down, stops, stares. Looks up with a look of shock.  _

“What was the transmission?” Reginald inquired, wondering if his plan had gone into action. 

“You’ll see.” Fay replied. 

_ The scene cuts to Diego, speaking to the family as he picks up a bloody knife. “Your family is safe now.”  _

_ The violinist is still playing.  _

_ “We're going now live to a breaking story.” the newscaster says, and Diego stares at the TV.  _

Ben’s brow furrowed. Something that affected the Hargreeves family, big enough to end up on TV. 

_ The scene cuts back to Allison on the red carpet.  _

_ “One more!” _

_ “Allison, here!” _

_ A man comes up next to one reporter and whispers something. The reporter immediately calls out to Allison.  _

_ “Al- Allison, Allison! Allison! Allison! Have you heard the news?” _

_ “When was the last time you saw your father?” another reporter calls. “Have you heard from your brothers?” _

“What happened?” Allison asked, worried now. Did something happen to- no, her brothers were clearly fine, and Vanya, who kept being shown playing, so… Dad? 

_ Allison stares at them, confused. A woman comes up next to her and says something softly before leading her away.  _

_ “Allison, will you wear Valentino to the funeral?” a reporter calls.  _

Klaus sat up. “Does Dad die?” he asked. Rather loudly. 

Reginald nodded to himself. 

“Klaus!” Luther shouted angrily. “Don’t say stuff like that!” 

_ The scene cuts to Klaus and a drug dealer.  _

_ Then a siren, wailing, an ambulance driving down the street. Klaus is inside, flatlining. A paramedic successfully awakens him. He sits up with a gasp, flops against the wall, and offers a high five to the paramedic, who, smiling, accepts it.  _

“Oh my God.” Allison groaned. Ben sighed heavily. 

_ The TV in the corner plays a news fanfare. Klaus squints at it.  _

_ The scene cuts to the violinist, who lowers her violin.  _

_ ‘Number Seven “Vanya”’ appears on the screen.  _

_ Now she’s walking down the sidewalk. She pauses next to an electronics shop as a TV plays a news report.  _

_ “Moments ago, police reported the death of the most eccentric and reclusive billionaire.” _

_ It begins raining. Vanya stares. “Dad-” she murmurs.   _

“Called it!” Klaus announced, showing little reaction other than a brief blink. 

Allison gasped. 

Vanya froze, eyes widening. 

Diego’s eyes narrowed. 

Ben frowned. 

Five didn’t react. He’d already known. 

Luther looked like he’d been punched in the gut. 

Fay smiled. Like, slasher smile. You wouldn’t have questioned it had she turned out to have personally murdered the old man. 

Not that she did. 

_ Now Vanya’s in a taxi. Brief flashes appear of a big old house, portraits of the Academy where children fade out of view.  _

_ She arrives. Enters the house.  _

_ Grace is sitting in the living room, watching the fire.  _

_ “Hey, Mom.” Vayna calls. No response. “Mom?” _

Diego frowned. “Shouldn’t she respond?” 

Reginald and Pogo exchanged a glance. It was possible that altering her programming so that she wouldn’t use first aid on Reginald when he carried out his plan could affect the rest of her programming. This implied that she would be malfunctioning now. 

_ “Vanya?” Allison appears. “You're actually here.” _

_ She steps forward and hugs Vanya.  _

_ “Hey, Allison.” Vanya murmurs. _

_ “Hey, sis.” _

Vanya blinked a few times, somewhat surprised that a sibling would greet her warmly after the book. 

_ Diego enters. “Ah. What is she doing here?” He eyes Vanya bitterly. “You don't belong here. Not after what you did.” _

Okay, that was more what she was expecting. 

“Is this about that book?” Beaman asked. 

“Yes.” Diego hissed. 

“I thought it was pretty good.” Five offered. Vanya looked over at him and managed a faint smile. 

_ “You're seriously gonna do this today?” Allison demands. “Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.” _

_ Diego starts up the stairs. “At least I'm wearing black.” _

_ “You know what?” Vanya says. “I- Maybe he's right. And I shouldn't-” _

_ “Forget about him.” Allison says. “I'm glad you're here.”  _

Vanya ducked her head, wondering what her other siblings thought of the book. 

_ The scene cuts to Luther, in Reginald’s room, poking around. He moves to a window and checks the lock.  _

_ “I can save you some time.” Diego says from the door. Luther turns.  _

_ “They're all locked. No forced entry, no sign of struggle. Nothing out of the ordinary.” He pauses. “Oh, you got big, Luther. What's the secret, huh? Protein shakes? Low carbs?” _

“What did happen?” Klaus wondered. Luther scowled, hunched his broad shoulders, and glared at the screen. 

_ “What do you want?” Luther demands.  _

_ Diego pulls out some papers. “The autopsy report.” _

_ Luther reaches for it and Diego yanks it back- “Ah.”- and lets him take it.  _

_ “And you have this why?” _

_ “Well, that's because I broke into the coroner's office. _

“Diego.” Patch sounded tired. Diego rolled his eyes. 

_ And surprise, surprise, Dad's death was normal. Just a boring, old heart failure.” _

Reginald frowned. Of course, it would appear that way, but… 

_ “Yeah, so?” Luther responds.  _

_ “So, why are you in here, checking all the windows?” Diego asks.  _

_ “Were you the first one on the scene?” _

_ Diego blinks. “Pogo found him.” _

Hmm, Number One blaming Number Two was… not entirely unexpected, but unwelcome. Reginald frowned again. 

Fay, meanwhile, being telepathic, rolled her eyes. “Like this isn’t already your fault.” she muttered, too quietly to be heard. 

_ “Yeah, I talked to Pogo. He said he couldn't find Dad's monocle.” _

_ “And your point being?” _

_ “Can you think of a single time you saw Dad and he wasn't wearing that monocle?” _

_ A beat. “No.” _

_ “Which means someone took it. Which means there's a chance he wasn't alone when he died.” _

Diego rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, my God.” Allison sighed. 

Klaus cocked his head to one side, frowning. 

Five suppressed a sigh. This had nothing to do with the apocalypse, and he NEEDED to know. 

Ben frowned at Luther. 

Vanya tried not to sigh. 

_ Diego looks frustrated. “There is no mystery here. Nothing to avenge. Nothing to solve, nothing like that. It's just a sad old man who kicked it in a big, empty house.” He glares at Luther. “Just like he deserved.” he hisses.  _

Reginald’s eyes hardened. “Number Two!” he snapped. Diego almost managed to suppress his flinch. 

Patch and Beaman stared at each other. 

Fay rolled her eyes again. “Hey, old man, please shut up. I’m trying to watch the fucking screen and if I have to remove someone’s mouth I will.” 

“Hey!” Luther objected. 

“That applies to you as well. I mean, seriously, you need to wake up.” 

_ “You should leave.” Luther snaps.  _

_ “Whatever you say. Brother.” Diego replies. He walks out of the room.  _

Fay abruptly giggled. “That sounded like a threat.” 

Diego muttered something to himself. 

_ The scene cuts to Vanya walking into the library. She pulls a book off of the shelf.  _

_ The title reads ‘Extra Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven’. The author’s name is Vanya Hargreeves, the picture a sepia-toned image of a young girl with bangs and long hair.  _

“Gah.” Diego spat, scowling. He hated that stupid book. 

_ She opens the book. It’s inscribed with a small note-  _

_ ‘Dad-  _

_ I thought, why not? _

_ V’ _

_ “Welcome home, Miss Vanya.” a voice says behind her and she closes the book and turns.  _

_ It’s Pogo. _

_ “Pogo.” _

_ They hug.  _

_ “Hmm. So good to see you.” Pogo says. Vanya smiles. Pogo glances down at the book in her hand.  _

The parallels between the awkward sister hug of earlier and this hug couldn’t be denied. 

_ “Ah, yes, your autobiography.” he remarks.  _

_ “Do you know, um- Did he ever read it?” Vanya asks.  _

_ “Hmm- Not that I'm aware of.” Pogo replies reluctantly.  _

Reginald gave Vanya a disapproving look. “I simply skimmed your introduction. An inappropriate decision, Number Seven.” 

“Again with the numbers.” Beaman mumbled to Patch, who nodded, frowning. Honestly, what they’d seen already was grounds for calling CPS, at least when they were children, just with the ‘numbers for names’ thing alone.

_ There’s a beat of silence. Vanya looks over at a portrait on the wall of a young boy. Pogo follows her gaze.  _

Five blinked, surprised. 

_ “How long has it been since Five disappeared?” Vanya asks.  _

_ “It's been 16 years, four months, and 14 days.” Pogo replies. “Your father insisted I keep track.” _

_ Vanya smiles a little. “You wanna know something stupid? I always used to leave the lights on for him. I was scared that he would come back, it would be late, and the house would be dark and he wouldn't be able to find us, so he'd leave again. So, every night I'd make a little snack and make sure all the lights were on.” _

Vanya reddened. 

Five stared at her, feeling a very strange feeling that he’d never felt before. 

Fay leaned over and whispered, “You’re feeling ‘touched’, Five.”

Five blinked. 

Reginald sighed. ‘Emotion’, he groused. It always got in the way. 

_ “Oh, I remember your snacks. I'm pretty sure I stepped in half those peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.”  _

_ Vanya sighs. Pogo sighs.  _

_ “Your father always believed that Number Five was still out there somewhere. He never lost hope.” he tells her.  _

“I’m not sure that’s what I’d call it.” Fay remarked. “I mean, and I quote, ‘no great loss’.” 

Five twitched and looked at Reginald, who ignored this. Luther frowned, confused. Pogo sighed. Allison looked rather shocked- so did Vanya. Klaus glanced at Ben, who shrugged- what did we expect. Diego huffed and rolled his eyes. 

_ “And look where that got him.” _

_ Allison, meanwhile, is entering their father’s study. A memory starts.  _

_ Grace knocks on the door and slides it open, stepping inside. “The children are ready for bed, sir. They wanted to say goodnight.”  _

_ The kids are clustered by the door, dressed in their pajamas, all smiling hopefully- except Vanya.  _

It was a sweet-looking memory. At first. 

_ Reginald doesn’t even look up from his journal.  _

_ The siblings’ smiles slip.  _

Patch and Beaman exchanged another look. Patch could recall Diego often saying that his father had never loved them, but… she’d honestly thought he must be exaggerating. After all, Reginald Hargreeves had adopted them, gone to great expense for them… 

That mindset, she considered, had probably been naive. 

_ Grace turns to them, still smiling. “Okay! Time for bed now, kids.” She starts shepherding them out. “Come along now. Come along now.” _

_ Allison doesn’t move. “Come along now, Allison, your father's busy.” Grace says.  _

_ Allison glares at her father.  _

_ “He's always busy.” she says, and she at last allows Grace to lead her away.  _

“Insubordinate, Number Three.” Reginald said in a cold voice. Allison managed to ignore him. 

_ Allison blinks, emerging from the memory, and hears someone rattling around under the desk, muttering.  _

_ “Where's the cash, Dad? Where's the cash?” _

_ Allison approaches the desk. _

_ “Klaus? What are you doing in here?” she asks.  _

“Number Four!” Reginald snapped, in the exact tone of voice he’d used every time Vanya killed a nanny. 

Klaus barely suppressed a flinch. 

_ Klaus pops up from behind the desk. “Oh! Allison! Wow, is that you? Hey, come here.” He hugs her- she smiles indulgently and hugs back. “Long time. Too long. Hey, I was hoping to see you, actually, because I wanted to get your autograph. Add it to my collection!”  _

_ She smiles again, then spots his wristband.  _

_ “Just out of rehab?” _

_ Klaus jumps. “No, no. No, no, no, no. No. I'm done with all that.” He sighs. “I just came down here to prove to myself that the old man was really gone. And he is! He's dead.” Klaus plops down in their father’s chair. “Yeah!  _

Reginald scowled. They were all so ungrateful- except Number One. But the rest, the rest were so ungrateful for everything that he’d done for them. 

Meanwhile, Patch and Beaman exchanged another uneasy look. 

_ You know how I know? Because if he were alive, not one of us would be allowed to set foot in this room. He was always in here, our whole childhood, plotting his next torment, right?” He chuckles and Allison joins in. “Remember how he used to look at us? That scowl? Thank Christ he's not our real father so we couldn't inherit those cold, dead eyes!” He stretches his own eyes open and screeches. _

_ Allison laughs.  _

_ Klaus imitates their father. “Number Three!” _

_ Luther’s voice rings from the corner of the room. “Get out of his chair.” _

Finally, Reginald thought. Number One would certainly defend him. 

_ Klaus jumps to his feet. “Oh, wow, Luther! Wow, you really, uh- You really filled out over the years, huh?” He wanders around the desk.  _

Luther scowled. Another sibling bringing it up, God, he was sick of it. 

Fay tilted her head to one side and gave him a sympathetic look and he twitched, 

_ “Klaus.” _

_ “Save the lecture. I was already leaving. You guys can talk amongst yourselves.” _

_ “Drop it.” Luther says sternly.  _

_ “Ex-squeeze me?” Klaus replies.  _

Ben facepalmed. “Seriously, Klaus?” 

This was echoed by Diego, Allison, and Luther. 

“Wh-at?” Klaus singsonged in response. “I haven’t done it yet!”

“But we all know you will, or would, I mean.” Allison responded. 

Klaus gave his siblings his very best innocent face, which worked on exactly none of them. 

_ “Do it. Now.” _

_ “All right. All right.” Klaus starts reaching into his pockets and dropping various items on the floor. “It's just an advance on our inheritance! That's all it is. No need to get your little panties in a bunch.”  _

“As if you would be left anything, Number Four.” Reginald said severely. Klaus did not manage to suppress this flinch this time. 

_ He walks out. Heads down the hallway. Glances over his shoulder and then reaches into his pants and pulls out a box.  _

_ “Ah.” He smacks a kiss onto the box and continues.  _

Reginald frowned. That… that was his journal box, where he kept the most important of his many journals. Of course he had an entire room that contained his many, many journals (because one journal used by a very scientific man raising seven superpowered children is unrealistic), but the journal that contained the information about Number Seven’s powers was kept in that box, to protect it. (as well as the information about the mausoleum training.)

_ Dammit _ , Number Four. 

He glared in Klaus’ direction again. Klaus didn’t notice. 

_ Back inside Reginald’s office.  _

_ “So, Klaus is still Klaus, in case you were wondering.” Luther remarks, looking at Allison.  _

_ “You know, after all these years, I find it strangely comforting.” she replies.  _

“Hey!” Klaus objected. 

Five twitched again- what’s the POINT of all of this- and suppressed a sigh. Watching his siblings argue and pick on each other and reunite. He would deny to his dying day that he was absorbing every little familiar interaction and motion, both from the versions on the screen and the versions here in the room. 

_ “Did you see Diego?” _

_ “With his stupid outfit?” _

“Hey.” Diego objected. 

“It does look stupid.” Allison replied. Diego scowled. 

_ “Oh, I know.” Luther pauses. “Do you think he wears that thing in the bathroom?” _

_ “Like in the shower?” Allison asks.  _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “Yes, absolutely!” _

_ They both laugh.   _

Good to see Allison and Luther hasn’t changed, Five thought. 

_ “I, uh- I wasn't sure you'd come.” Luther says.  _

_ “Me neither.” Allison admits.  _

_ “You look great.” _

_ “Thanks.” _

_ “Where's Patrick and Claire?” _

_ Allison sighs. “Patrick filed for divorce eight months ago.”  _

_Luther_ _stares at her._

“You didn’t know?” Klaus asked. 

“Klaus, he was on the moon.” Ben pointed out. 

“Oh, right.” 

Everyone else in the room (except Fay) stared at Klaus. He was used to this and just grinned and waved at them. 

_ “Of course you don't know, you've been gone.” _

_ “What about Claire?” _

_ “He got custody.” Allison replies.  _

_ “Shit.” Luther says. A pause. “Well You could always do your, uh, you know- rumor thing.” _

_ “Yeah, I don't do that anymore.” _

_ “What happened?” _

_ “Same thing that always happens. I made a wish, and it came true, and I couldn't take it back.” _

Allison nodded a little to herself. 

Reginald sighed. Why, oh why, did his children abandon their gifts? 

‘Oh, I wonder why.’ Fay snarked to herself. 

_ The scene cuts to the whole family in the living room.  _

_ “Um- I guess we should get this started. So, I figured we could have a sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown. Say a few words, just at Dad's favorite spot.” Luther says.  _

_ “Dad had a favorite spot?” Allison asks.  _

_ “You know, under the oak tree. We used to sit out there all the time. None of you ever did that?” _

Okay, perhaps this was risky, allowing them to watch this. Reginald frowned. His, ah, manipulations may come to light. 

Fay watched him with a silent, mildly murderous stare. 

_ None of the others speak for a moment.  _

_ “Will there be refreshments?” Klaus asks, gesturing with a cigarette and drink. “Tea? Scones? Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner.” _

_ “What? No. And put that out. Dad didn't allow smoking in here.” _

Reginald glared at Klaus, who ignored this, wishing he had a cigarette. Drugs. Booze. Something. 

_ “Is that my skirt?” Allison demands.  _

_ “What? Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room. It's a little dated, I know, but it's very breathey on the-” Klaus gestures. “Bits.” _

Allison, Diego, and Ben all facepalmed at this. 

_ “Listen up. Still some important things that we need to discuss, all right?” Luther snaps.  _

_ Klaus plops onto the couch next to Vanya.  _

_ “Like what?” Diego asks sharply.  _

_ “Like the way he died.” Luther says.  _

_ “And here we go.” Diego mumbles.  _

_ “I don't understand. I thought they said it was a heart attack.” Vanya says.  _

_ “Yeah, according to the coroner.” Luther responds.  _

_ “Well, wouldn't they know?” _

_ “Theoretically.” _

_ “Theoretically?” _

_ “I'm just saying, at the very least, something happened. The last time that I talked to Dad, he sounded strange.” Luther says exasperatedly.  _

_ Klaus gurgles through his drink. “Oh, quelle surprise!” _

Reginald sighed yet again. 

_ “Strange how?” Allison asks.  _

_ “He sounded on edge. Told me I should be careful who to trust.” Luther says.  _

_ “Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old man who was starting to lose what was left of his marbles.” Diego snaps.  _

Diego tensed, glancing at his father. Yeah, he thought this all the time, but… 

Reginald didn’t outwardly react. 

_ “No. He must have known something was going to happen.” Luther looks at Klaus. “Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad.” _

_ Klaus sits up and scoffs. “I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, ‘Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?’” _

“That says something about his opinion of the guy, doesn’t it?” Fay observed. “I mean, comparing him to Hitler!” 

She paused. 

_ “Since when? That's your thing.” Luther snaps.  _

_ “I'm not in the right-” he gestures- “frame of mind.” _

_ “You're high?” Allison says.  _

_ Klaus laughs. “Yeah! Yeah! I mean, how are you not, listening to this nonsense?” _

Ben sighed heavily. 

_ “Well, sober up, this is important.” Luther responds tersely, before continuing. “Then there's the issue of the missing monocle.” _

“You can’t just sober up in minutes, that takes hours and days to get sober-” Ben objected angrily on Klaus’ behalf. 

_ “Who gives a shit about a stupid monocle?” Diego demands.  _

_ “Exactly. It's worthless. So whoever took it, I think it was personal. Someone close to him. Someone with a grudge.”  _

Pogo sighed sadly, hating that the children would- undoubtedly- blame one another for this. 

_ Klaus sits up, frowning. “Where are you going with this?” _

_ Diego sighs. “Oh, isn't it obvious, Klaus? He thinks one of us killed Dad.” _

“Really?” Five said drily. Luther scowled. 

_ “You do?” Allison says.  _

_ “How could you think that?” Vanya asks.  _

_ “Great job, Luther. Way to lead.” Diego whispers to Luther.  _

_ “That's not what I'm saying.” Luther protests.  _

_ “You're crazy, man. You're crazy.” Klaus says. “Crazy.” _

_ “I've not finished.” Luther says when Klaus gets up.  _

_ “Sorry, I'm just gonna go murder Mom.” Klaus retorts, walking away.  _

_ “Be right back.” _

_ “Be right back.” _

_ Everybody walks out.  _

_ “That's not what I was saying. I didn't- Allison. Jeez-” Luther is now alone in the living room. He sighs. “That went well.” _

_ The scene cuts into a flashback. A news report.  _

“What’s this?” asked Patch. 

“First appearance of the Umbrella Academy.” Fay replied. 

_ “In five, four, three, two- This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live for Channel 2 News outside of the Capital West bank at Main and Sixth. A group of heavily armed men stormed the bank not three hours ago and took an unknown number of hostages.” _

_ The film is showing the outside of a bank.  _

_ Inside, the lead robber angrily gestures at some hostages with his gun.  _

_ “Hey, get them behind the counter!” he shouts at another robber. An alarm blares.  _

_ Allison skips along behind him. _

Vanya leaned forward slightly, eager to see her siblings in action. Reginald paid close attention to the screen as well- mission reports never included every last detail. 

_ “Now you've put me in a position where I gotta do something I don't want to do. Hmm? Shit!” the man yells. He notices Allison. “Hey, get back with the others.” _

_ She smiles. “I heard a rumor.” _

_ “What? What did you say?” he demands.  _

_ “I heard a rumor-” her voice echoes as she leans forward and cups her hand by her mouth. He leans down to listen. “-that you shot your friend in the foot.”  _

Actually, everybody was interested in seeing this. Not many people saw the Umbrella Academy in action. 

_ She leans back with a smile as his eyes turn white. He lifts his gun.  _

_ The other robber stares at him. “Hey, dude. What the hell?”  _

_ The leader fires his gun at the other robber, who falls. Hostages scream and glass cracks.  _

“That’s… scary.” mumbled Beaman. Allison winced. 

_ Outside, Jim Hellerman breathlessly continues his coverage.  _

_ “We just heard shots from inside the bank. It's uncertain if any hostages have been harmed in that.” _

_ “Up there!” another man yells.  _

_ Luther runs across the roof of the building before dropping out of view.  _

_ “There's some movement on the roof.” Jim says. “Possibly law enforcement.” _

“Law enforcement!” Klaus snorted. “As if!” 

“Hey!” Luther snapped. “We were superheroes.” 

“Vigilantes.” Ben muttered and Klaus repeated what he’d said. 

_ Inside the bank, Luther grabs a robber by the collar and slams the guy’s head into the counter. He then tosses the man out the bank window.  _

“How the fuck-” 

“Jesus-” 

“That’s low.” Diego observed, smirking at Luther. “You’ve thrown farther.” 

Luther glared at him. 

_ Outside, several people scream. Jim Hellerman seems surprised. _

_ “Looks like one of the armed robbers has been thrown from the bank.” he reports. _

_ Inside, Diego now runs forward, holding knives.  _

_ “Guns are for sissies. Real men throw knives.” he says as he throws the two knives in his hand.  _

“Not one damn word.” Diego warned his siblings. Klaus dissolved into giggles and Vanya covered her smile with her hand. Allison kept a straight face. Ben rolled his eyes. Five actually smiled slightly, reminiscing. And Luther smirked at Diego. 

“Diego, what?” asked Patch, shaking her head and smiling. He groaned and slid down in his chair. 

_ They hurtle toward a pair of hostages before turning midair and striking a robber in the chest. He hits the wall and slides down, leaving blood on the wall.  _

This took most of the amusement out of the room. Diego’s eyes darkened and he shot a quick look toward Patch, who looked tense. 

_ Outside, Jim Hellerman continues to talk. _

_ “I've been in many hostage situations, like this, and it can escalate very quickly.” _

_ Inside, the lead robber is on the counter, aiming his gun at three kids, Diego, Allison, and Klaus. In the background, Luther stands next to the hostages.  _

_ “Get back, you freaks.” the lead robber says.  _

_ “Hey, be careful up there, buddy.” Diego says cheerfully.  _

_ “Get back now!” the robber shouts.  _

_ “Wouldn't want you to get hurt.” Allison chirps.  _

“God this makes me laugh every time.” Fay snickered. “It’s just like ‘can escalate quickly’ and then the kids are just taunting the robber.” 

It was an amusing moment. 

_ Five appears behind the robber on the counter, sitting crosslegged and smiling the kind of smile that makes you want to punch him. “Or what?” _

Five startled slightly at his own appearance. He’d almost forgotten that this had all happened before he disappeared. 

_ The man starts shooting and Five disappears. The robber keeps pumping bullets into the counter for a few more minutes before Five appears behind him.  _

_ The robber turns and tries to shoot. _

_ He’s holding a stapler. _

“How did you do that?” Fay inquired. 

Five blinked. “Uh, that’s a secret.” 

Honestly, he wasn’t even totally sure anymore how he’d managed that. 

_ “Ooh! That's one badass stapler!” Five says before slamming the stapler into the robber’s face. The robber sways and falls.  _

_ Outside:  _

_ “Although there's been no activity for a few minutes, we're gonna stay live on location to make sure we don't miss anything in this hostage situation at the Capital West bank.” Jim says.  _

_ Inside, Ben is standing by the vault.  _

_ “Do we really have to do this?” he says.  _

Reginald sighed heavily at Number Six’s reluctance, while the semi-cheerful atmosphere that had started in the room vanished. 

_ “Come on, Ben.” Luther responds. “There's more guys in the vault.” _

_ Ben sighs. “I didn't sign up for this.” he says as he enters the vault.  _

Ben sighed in real time, rocking back in his seat and glaring at the screen. Klaus wished, far from the first time, that he could hug his brother. 

_ Outside, hostages flood down the steps, screaming.  _

_ “Now we see the hostages. They- They're free. They're scared, clearly, but they do seem to be unharmed.” Jim says.  _

_ Inside, the beast screeches in the vault, slamming robbers into the walls, cracking glass and smearing blood.  _

“Oh my God.” Patch mumbled quietly. 

_ The other Hargreeves move slowly closer to the vault, almost unconsciously drawing near the violence.  _

And that- that was incredibly disturbing, almost worse that the Horror itself. 

_ The screaming stops. Silence. Then a shadow moves closer to the door. The knob turns. An extremely blood-soaked Ben peers out.  _

_ “Can we go home now?” he says shakily.  _

Allison put her palm against her mouth. 

_ Now the kids are coming out of the bank.  _

_ “People are coming out now.” Jim says. “It's not the armed robbers. These are young schoolchildren in uniforms with masks on.” _

_ “Lower your weapon!” someone shouts.  _

_ “Jim Hellerman, Channel 2 News.” _

_ “How did you get in the bank?” someone calls.  _

“We walked.” Diego said sarcastically. 

_ “What happened inside?” someone else shouts.  _

_ The kids seem unperturbed by these shouts. Luther waves a little bit. Diego clutches a knife- okay, they’re not entirely unbothered.  _

That was a rather tense position that Diego was in. 

_ Allison smiles- so does Klaus, who’s leaning on Five, who’s also smiling. Ben’s still got a little blood on his face and he isn’t smiling.  _

That was two of six who seemed unhappy. 

_ Up on the roof of a nearby building, Reginald Hargreeves watches through a spyglass. Vanya stands next to him.  _

_ “Why can't I go play with the others?” she asks.  _

That simple question sent chills through Patch and Beaman. After all, her siblings had just  **killed** multiple people. And she called it playing. 

_ “We've been through this before, Number Seven.” Reginald replies, closing the spyglass. He turns to look at her. “I'm afraid there's just nothing special about you.” _

Vanya bit her lip, hard. 

there’s just nothing special about you nothing special about you nothing  **special**

_ She looks down. “Oh.” _

_ Now, Reginald is walking onto the steps.  _

_ “Our world is changing. Has changed.” he says. “There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary. I have adopted six such children. I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.” _

“Inaugural?” Patch echoed. 

“There were meant to be more.” Reginald said coldly. What he didn’t say was that he’d called Allison, after Claire had been born, and asked her to bring Claire to him if she ever exhibited powers. Allison had exploded at him, cursing and screaming, then had hung up. 

_ The crowd explodes.  _

_ “Mr. Hargreeves! Mr. Hargreeves. Channel 9 News. What happened to their parents?” a man calls.  _

_ “They were suitably compensated.” Reginald replies.  _

_ “Are you concerned about the welfare of the children?” a woman calls.  _

_ “Of course. As I am for the fate of the world.” _

Fay started laughing rather hysterically. Klaus joined in after a moment, agreeing with the sentiment. As if Reginald Hargreeves gave a shit about any of them. 

_ The flashback ends.  Klaus is now standing in front of the bar, with Reginald’s ashes in an urn in front of him.  _

_ “Listen up, old man. You know, if I was murdered, and if one of my sons- adopted sons- happened to be able to commune with the dead, I might think about,” he laughs, “I don't know, I don't know-” he flings his hands up- “manifesting! Do the whole big angry ghost lecture. Tell everyone who done it, and find eternal peace. Eternal peace-” he pauses. “is probably overrated.” He sighs. “Come on now, Reggie. Any time now. Please.”  _

Klaus blinked. 

“What.” Beaman said blankly. 

“You’re actually trying?” Luther asked incredulously. 

“Maybe Ben bullied me into it.” Klaus responded thoughtfully. All of his siblings except Five and Ben sighed or rolled their eyes. 

“I probably did.” Ben said, scowling at their siblings (except Five, who had a thoughtful look on his face and honestly thought Klaus probably did see Ben. A), Klaus’ power was seeing ghosts, and B) Ben was a stubborn asshole and always had been, so even if Klaus was high, Ben would just appear to him anyway.)

_ A pause.  _

_ “Just need to sober up!” He slapped his cheeks. “Clear thoughts. Come on! Come on, chop-chop!” He smacks his hands together. “You always were a stubborn bastard! I don't know about you, but I need a drink.” _

_ He accidentally knocks the urn over and the ashes inside spill out.  _

“KLAUS!” Luther shouted, while Reginald scowled (disrespectful) and Fay burst out laughing. 

_ “Oh! Oh.”  _

_ The scene cuts away. Allison is sitting in a chair in front of her vanity, studying a locket. Vanya is sitting on the stairs. Diego is lying on the couch in the living room- he cracks his knuckles and pulls out a small knife. Luther is looking through a collection of records. He pulls one out and puts it on the player. Adjusts the volume. Drops the needle.  _

Fay kept laughing, only pausing long enough to crow, “The dance scene!” 

“The  **what** .” Diego hissed. 

_ “I Think We’re Alone Now” begins playing. Luther listens for a moment, head bobbing. Allison turns her head, then starts nodding to the music. Vanya lifts her head. Diego listens, considers a stuffed animal head on the wall. Klaus sits up, settled on the kitchen table.  _

_ They all start dancing, Allison twirling a feather boa, Klaus using Reginald’s ashes as a dance prop.  _

“Oh my God, Diego, what-” Allison managed, snickering hysterically. Diego glowered at her. 

Vanya was red-faced and stared at the floor. 

Luther was in a similar state. 

Allison had danced on screen before, so was unbothered. 

Klaus was far beyond embarrassment. 

_ Thunder rumbles. The needle flies off the record. Allison’s locket clatters. Reginald’s ashes fly down the kitchen table- Klaus barely manages to catch the urn.  _

_ “Oh! Daddy?”  _

_ Kitchen knives slam into the wall and Klaus stares.  _

_ “Oh.” _

“What?” Luther blinked. 

_ The siblings all make their way outside, staring at the blue ball of light in the center of the courtyard.  _

Five’s eyes narrowed. Judging from his own current child’s body, he’d screwed up with the equations. At least he originally did make it to a good time period. 

_ “What is it?” Vanya asks.  _

_ “Don't get too close!” Allison calls.  _

_ “Yeah, no shit.” Diego snaps.  _

_ “Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly.” Luther says. “Either that or a miniature black hole. One of the two.” _

_ “Pretty big difference there, Paul Bunyan.” Diego mutters.  _

Five raised an eyebrow at his siblings. “It’s me, idiots.” 

“What do you mean, ‘it’s me’?” Allison demanded. 

Five made an exasperated noise and snapped, “It’s me, time traveling.” 

“So it’s a temporal anomaly.” Luther said. Five nodded, rolling his eyes. 

_ “Out of the way!” Klaus runs up holding a fire extinguisher.  _

_ “What are you-” Luther starts.  _

_ Klaus sprays it at the anomaly, then throws it in.  _

_ “What is that gonna do?” Allison demands.  _

“Yeah, what is that gonna do?” Ben asked, and Klaus huffed. 

_ “I don't know. Do you have a better idea?” Klaus responds.  _

_ The anomaly sparks. Now one can see a person screaming inside it.  _

_ “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Everybody get behind me.” Luther calls, pushing Klaus behind him.  _

_ “Yeah, get behind us.” Diego adds.  _

_ “I vote for running, c'mon!” Klaus cries. _

_ The anomaly sparks again and now a person falls out of it and hits the ground.  _

_ The siblings all inch forward and stare.  _

_ “Does anyone else see little Number Five,” Klaus begins hesitantly, “or is that just me?” _

Five sighed. 

Klaus blinked rather rapidly, knowing why he’d asked. 

“Why were you asking?” Beaman asked. 

“Uh, probably ‘cause I was worried he was a ghost?” Klaus replied. “I dunno exactly, this hasn’t happened yet.” 

“…right.”

_ The kid in the oversized suit looks down at himself. The words ‘Number 5 “Number Five”’ appear on the screen.  _

_ Five looks up. “Shit.” _

_ Inside, Five is now rustling around the kitchen.  _

_ “What's the date? The exact date.” he asks.  _

_ “The 24th.” Vanya says.  _ _   
_ _ “Of what?” _

_ “March.” _

_ “Good.” _

“Why is that  **good** , exactly?” Luther demanded. 

Five rolled his eyes again. 

“You’ll find out.” Fay told Luther.

_ “So, are we gonna talk about what just happened? It's been 17 years.” Luther says.  _

_ Five looks up and scoffs. “It's been a lot longer than that.” _

“You’re literally thirteen.” Allison pointed out. 

“No, I’m not!” Five hissed. 

_ He teleports to the counter and gets some supplies.  _

_ “I haven't missed that.” Luther mumbles as Five teleports back to the table to start making a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich.  _

_ “Where'd you go?” Diego asks.  _

_ “The future. And it's shit, by the way.” Five answers.  _

“What does that mean?” Diego demanded. 

Five rolled his eyes. 

_ “Called it.” Klaus says. He’s sitting on the table. So’s Diego.  _

_ “I should've listened to the old man. You know, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is a toss of the dice.” Five says. _

“Pretty sure he said something else.” Vanya said. Five sighed. 

“Oh yes, the acorn analogy.” 

“The  **what** .” Beaman said, overwhelmed. 

_ He pauses. “Nice dress.” _

_ Klaus blinks. “Oh, well, danke!”  _

Klaus blinked in real life. 

_ “Wait, how did you get back?” Allison asks.  _

_ “In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.” Five answers.  _

“What.” Diego said flatly. Five huffed, irritated. 

_ “That makes no sense.” Diego mutters.  _

_ “Well, it would if you were smarter.” Five says blandly. Diego gets up and Luther blocks him from getting at Five.  _

“siblings-” Fay coughed. 

_ “How long were you there?” Luther asks.  _

_ “Forty-five years. Give or take.” _

“Oh, my God.” Vanya whispered. 

_ “So what are you saying?” Allison asks. “That you're 58?” _

_ “No, my consciousness is 58. Apparently, my body is now 13 again.” _

_ “Wait, how does that even work?” _

_ “Dolores kept saying the equations were off. Eh. Bet she's laughing now.” _

“Who’s Dolores?” asked Klaus curiously. Five ignored him. 

_ “Dolores?” _

_ “Hmm.” Five ignores the question, picking up a newspaper. “Guess I missed the funeral.” _

_ “How'd you know about that?” Luther demands.  _

_ “What part of the future do you not understand?” Five retorts. “Heart failure, huh?” _

_ “Yeah.” Diego says. _

_ “No.” Luther says.  _

_ “Hmm.” Five stares at them for a moment. “Nice to see nothing's changed.” _

“You were all like this as kids?” Patch asked. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” Diego replied. 

“Except less swear words, I didn’t have skirts, and Diego was mostly mute most of the time.” Klaus chimed in. Diego flipped him off. 

_ He walks away.  _

_ “Uh, that's it? That's all you have to say?” Allison demands.  _

_ “What else is there to say? The circle of life.” Five walks out.  _

Reginald scowled again. He had not anticipated Number Five’s return. It had never been part of his plans. 

_ “Well- That was interesting.” _

_ Now Five is upstairs, opening his closet door. It’s full of uniforms.  _

_ “Ah, shit.” he grumbles.  _

“Great.” Five sighed. “We’re gonna be watching me trying to change the timeline in fucking  **short shorts** .” 

“Why would you try to change the timeline?” Luther asked. 

“What part of ‘the future is shit’ do you not understand?” Five demanded. 

_ The scene cuts to the living room, where Five is now standing, staring at his portrait. Vanya enters and he turns to her.  _

_ “Nice to know Dad didn't forget me.” A pause. “Read your book, by the way. Found it in a library that was still standing. I thought it was pretty good, all things considered. Yeah, definitely ballsy, giving up the family secrets. Sure that went over well.” He eyes her.  _

Vanya flinched. Diego scowled. Klaus and Ben exchanged a look.

_ “They hate me.” Vanya says.  _

“No, we don’t!” Allison protested. 

Vanya raised an eyebrow. 

Allison flushed. “I mean, we’re  **mad** at you, yeah, but we don’t…  **hate** you.” 

Vanya sank back into her seat uncertainly. Klaus patted her arm, nodding. 

_ “Oh, there are worse things that can happen.”  _

_ “You mean like what happened to Ben?” Vanya asks, eyes widening.  _

Patch and Beaman both sat forward, neither knowing what had happened to Ben Hargreeves. It was one thing that no one outside the Hargreeves family knew. 

Vanya had never written about it in her book. She’d mentioned it, yes, but… danced around the topic, acknowledging it but never directly confronting it and its consequences. 

_ Five hesitates. “Was it bad?” he asks, almost looking like he doesn’t want to know the answer.  _

Ben bit his lip, glancing at Five, whose jaw was clenched as he stared at the screen, clearly fighting tears. 

Okay, it was only clear if you knew him well, which Ben did. Even if it had been forty-five years since Five had last seen any of them. 

_ Vanya silently nods.  _

No explanation. This was mildly frustrating to those who didn’t know already. Even Five. Although he didn’t actually want to know, not really. 

_ Outside, a view of the courtyard from above. Umbrellas filing out of the door.  _

_ “Did something happen?” Grace asks as they all solemnly stand in the center.  _

The siblings all frowned and exchanged looks. 

_ “Dad died. Remember?” Allison tells her.  _

_ “Oh. Yes, of course.” Grace replies.  _

_ “Is Mom okay?” Allison asks.  _

_ “Yeah, yeah, she's fine. She just needs to rest. You know, recharge.” Diego dismisses.  _

Reginald frowned. Really, Number Two defended Grace far too often. Reginald had noted that many of the siblings had formed codependent relationships with one another. Number One and Number Three, Number Two and Grace, Number Four and Number Six, and Number Five and Number Seven. That last one had worried him. Number Five was far too intelligent for Reginald’s comfort. Reginald had worried that he would realize the true purpose of Number Seven’s medication. 

It had been most fortunate when Number Five had disappeared. 

_ “Whenever you're ready, dear boy.” Pogo tells Luther.  _

_ Luther carefully lifts the lid off of the urn and tips it. The ashes spill out and land in a pile on the leaves.  _

Luther winced and Diego snorted. 

_ Luther looks up sheepishly. “Probably would have been better with some wind.” _

Luther glanced at his siblings, all of whom looked impassively back. 

_ No one responds. After a few moments, Pogo speaks.  _

_ “Does anyone wish to speak?” he asks. No one moves. He sighs. “Very well. In all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today. For that alone, I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master and my friend, and I shall miss him very much. He leaves behind a complicated legacy-” _

Reginald was pleased by Pogo’s eulogy. He was not pleased by Number Two’s subsequent interruption. 

_ Diego cuts him off. “He was a monster.”  _

Diego tensed. That had been his private thought for a long time now, particularly since letting a few things about his childhood slip to Patch and seeing her reaction. But now, now his dad and his siblings all knew that thought. 

Reginald’s eyes narrowed. 

_ Klaus lets out a surprised laugh.   _

_ “He was a bad person and a worse father. The world's better off without him.” Diego continues.  _

Luther turned to glare at Diego. “Watch it!” he snapped. 

_ “Diego.” Allison chides and he turns on her.  _

_ “My name is Number Two.” he snarls. _

Patch and Beaman exchanged a look of mild horror. They’d thought maybe, since Five didn’t seem to have a normal name, maybe those numbers that had been codenames had actually been their names, but confirmation was hard to hear. 

_ “You know why? Because our father couldn't be bothered to give us actual names. He had Mom do it.” _

Reginald scowled again. Number Two’s little rant needed to be cut short. He was revealing things to outsiders- Reginald glanced at Patch and Beaman- speaking truths that shouldn’t have been spoken. 

_ Grace stirs at the mention of her name. “Would anyone like something to eat?” she asks with a smile.  _

_ “No, it's okay, Mom.” Vanya says.  _

_ “Oh, okay.” _

_ Diego turns on Pogo. “Look, you wanna pay your respects? Go ahead. But at least be honest about the kind of man he was.” _

_ “You should stop talking now.” Luther says tensely.  _

Finally, Reginald thought. 

_ “You know, you of all people should be on my side here, Number One.” Diego tells him.  _

_ “I am warning you.”  _

_ “After everything he did to you? He had to ship you a million miles away.” _

_ “Diego, stop talking.” Allison orders.  _

_ “That's how much he couldn't stand the sight of you!” Diego shouts, jabbing his finger into Luther’s shoulder.  _

Luther looked like he might get up and attack Diego now, despite the fact that Diego hadn’t actually said anything. 

Allison laid a hand on Luther’s arm, giving him a quelling look. “This hasn’t happened yet, Luther. Just sit and watch.” 

_ Luther throws a punch and Diego lurches away.  _

_ “Boys, stop this at once!” Pogo orders as the two begin fighting.  _

_ “Come on, big boy!” Diego shouts.  _

_ Luther lashes out again.  _

_ “Stop it!” Vanya cries.  _

_ “Hit him! Hit him!” Klaus calls. _

“Klaus!” Allison scolded. “Don’t encourage them!” 

_ “Get off me!” Diego shouts. Luther tries to hit him again.  _

_ “We don't have time for this.” Five mutters, walking inside.  _

_ “Come here, big boy!” Diego yells, backing up near the statue of Ben.  _

_ “Oh-” _

_ Luther’s fist meets the statue and it falls. The head breaks off.  _

“Oh my God.” Allison mumbled, eyes wide with shock. Klaus looked over at Ben, who shrugged.

“I never liked it anyway.” 

Klaus snorted, which got him some angry looks from his siblings. 

_ “And there goes Ben's statue.” Allison sighs, walking away.  _

_ Pogo also leaves.  _

_ Diego pulls out a knife.  _

_ “Diego, no!” Vanya shouts.  _

“Number Two!” Reginald scolded, a familiar sound given that Diego never really had learned to control his temper. It had served Reginald to leave him angry and uncontrollable. 

_ He throws.  _

_ The knife cuts into Luther’s arm, slicing through the fabric of his coat and shirt. It’s a relatively thin cut, but Luther clamps his hand over it, hiding the long hairs that show. He stares around at his siblings and stumbles inside.  _

Luther tensed and froze, eyes widening. 

_ Vanya walks past Diego, but pauses next to him.  _

_ “You never know when to stop, do you?” she asks.  _

_ Diego glares at her, then speaks in a low, angry voice. “You got enough material for your sequel yet?” _

_ “He was my father, too.” Vanya returns, walking away.  _

This was the most bite Vanya had shown, ever. Her siblings stared at her in surprise and she blinked. 

“She missed a dose.” Fay explained, frowning.   
Reginald sat up, tensing. 

Vanya blinked again, confused. “What would missing a dose have to do with… that?” 

“You’ll see.” 

_ Diego turns toward Grace. “Mom.”  _

_ She turns toward him, smiling.  _

_ “Let's go inside. Come on. Okay? Come on.” _

_ Klaus meanders over to the ash heap as everyone else disappears inside.  _

_ “I bet you're loving this. Hmm? The team at its best. It's just like old times.” He puts out his cigarette in the ash. “Best funeral ever.” _

“Number Four!”/”Klaus!” Reginald and Luther both scolded at once. Klaus winced, not feeling particularly apologetic about this. 

_ He wanders away.  _

_ Reginald is now narrating over himself, writing in a journal, with Vanya standing beside him with a whistle and notebook. The other children are standing at the base of the stairs, a narrow set of spiraling steps.  _

“What’s this?” asked Luther. 

“A childhood montage.” Fay replied. 

_ “Nietzsche once said, ‘Man is as a rope stretched between the animal and the superhuman. A rope over an abyss. It is a dangerous crossing, a dangerous looking-back, a dangerous trembling and halting.’” He closes his notebook and nods at Vanya.  She blows the whistle and the other kids starts running up the stairs as Reginald continues narrating. “As much as you must strive for individual greatness, and strive you must, for it won't come to you of its own accord- you must also remember that there is no individual stronger than the collective.” _

Klaus leaned back in his seat, rolling his eyes. Some team they’d been. 

_ Luther starts out at the front, but Diego pulls ahead. Allison and Five are close behind, Ben and Klaus after that. Then Five teleports to the front.  _

_ Diego looks up with outrage. “That's not fair, Five's cheating!”  _

Five rolled his eyes and snorted. “That wasn’t cheating.” 

Diego huffed. “I stand by what I said. Cheater.” 

_ “He adapted.” Reginald replies.  _

_ Now the kids are in the entry hall.  _

_ “The ties that bind you together make you stronger than you are alone.” _

_ Klaus and Allison are hugging each other and crying, holding their wrists. Diego’s sitting in the chair, the tattoo artist tattooing his wrist.  _

“What the hell?” Patch demanded. “You’re clearly way too young to get a tattoo even with parental permission!” 

Diego shrugged. Reginald frowned, wondering impatiently why there had to be outsiders here. Outsiders who would question everything. 

Five suppressed another sigh, wondering impatiently when they were going to get to the apocalypse and how to stop it. 

_ Luther, Ben, and Five wait in chairs.  _

_ “They will make you impervious to the pain and hardship the world will thrust upon you. And believe me when I tell you, life will be hard. It will be painful. We can accomplish anything when we accept responsibility together. This is what creates trust.” _

_ Vanya comes down the stairs, watching her siblings. She gets out a marker and rolls up her sleeve, carefully drawing on her wrist.  _

Vanya blushed red and several of her siblings gave her sideways looks, wondering why she would  **want** the tattoo. 

_ Now Reginald is watching a sleeping Luther. He reaches out and places an electrode on Luther’s temple and gets up as Luther rolls over.  _

It was almost an affectionate gesture. The siblings had been aware that Reginald monitored them in their sleep occasionally, so all Luther did was smile. 

_ “Together, you will stand against the reign of evil.” _

_ Wires wind down the hallways, tangled together and all leading to Reginald’s study, where he makes notes as he observes a clip of each child accompanied by beeping- some kind of monitoring equipment, likely their brain waves.  _

_ Luther.  _

_ Allison.  _

_ Five (who appears to be drooling on his pillow).  _

Five scowled when Allison and Klaus both cooed at him. “I could kill both of you.” he hissed. “ **Easily** .”

_ And Vanya.  _

_ The moment he switches the feed to her, the beeping intensifies. He watches for a moment before beginning to write.  _

Vanya blinked, confused. Reginald’s eyes narrowed. If the secret of Number Seven was exposed… 

“Wait, your father monitored you all in your sleep?” Beaman asked. 

“Yeah?” Diego replied.

_ The flashbacks end.  _

_ Vanya is standing in the entry hall. She takes out her pills and swallows one, Pogo enters.  _

_ “Don't waste your time. Diego's right, I shouldn't have come.” Vanya tells him. Pogo hesitates.  _

Diego ignored Allison’s glare. It wasn’t like he cared. 

_ “This is your home and always will be.” he tells her. “Should I get you a taxi?” _

The fact that a robot and a chimpanzee had been their sources of comfort and love as children was probably depressing, Klaus thought to himself. 

_ “I already called one. But thanks.” _

_ A horn honks outside. She turns.  _

_ “That's me. Uh-” _

_ Pogo looks at her. “I hope you know your father loved you very much.” A pause. “In his own way.” _

_ “Yeah, well, that's kind of the problem, isn't it?” Vanya asks, smiling a little. “Take care of yourself.” _

“The problem?” Reginald asked. Vanya looked away, tensing. 

_ “You as well, Miss Vanya.” he replies.  _

_ Vanya walks out.  _

_ Pogo follows her to the doors and looks after her for a long moment, an unreadable look on his face. He closes the door.  _

_ The scene cuts to the kitchen, where Klaus is sitting at the table with a guitar.  _

“Where did you get a guitar?” Diego asked. 

Klaus shrugged. “I don’t know, this hasn’t happened yet.” 

_ “Where's Vanya?” Allison asks, entering.  _

_ Klaus blinks at her. “Oh, she's gone.” _

_ Five enters with a coffee pot.  _

_ “That's unfortunate.” _

_ “Yeah.” Allison says.  _

“I don’t think future me was talking about Vanya leaving.” Five said. 

_ “An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, but no, not a single drop of coffee.” Five hisses, looking displeased.  _

“Coffee?” Allison arched an eyebrow at Five. “It’ll stunt your growth.” 

“I’m fifty-eight years old, I don’t-” Five sputtered angrily. 

_ “Dad hated caffeine.” Allison reminds him.  _

_ “Well, he hated children, too, and he had plenty of us.” Klaus says, laughing.  _

Klaus started laughing in real life too, and Luther scowled at him. 

_ “I'm taking the car.” Five mutters.  _

_ “Where are you going?” Allison demands.  _

_ “To get a decent cup of coffee.” Five snaps.  _

_ “Do you even know how to drive?” _

_ “I know how to do everything.” He teleports out.  _

Reginald frowned at Number Five. What had the future contained? The apocalypse that he had seen? It seemed… doubtful. How could Number Five have survived in a post-apocalyptic wasteland? Where would he have learned to drive? 

_ Klaus gets up and waves a hand through the air where Five was. “I feel like we should try and stop him, but then again, I also just kinda want to see what happens.” _

“How many times have you been reminded that once I’ve teleported away, I’m gone?” Five demanded. 

“Uh, lots?” Klaus replied. “Is that a trick question?”

_ A car starts outside.  _

_ Diego enters.  _

_ “All right, I guess I'll see you guys in, what, ten years? When Pogo dies?” _

Fay started laughing. “Nah, you guys’ll be seeing a lot of each other the next seven days.” 

The siblings all stared at her, then at each other. 

_ “Not if you die first.” Allison says.  _

_ “Yeah, love you too, sis. Good luck on your next film. Hope it turns out better than your marriage, huh?”  _

Allison flinched. 

_ Allison stares at him, huffs, and walks out. Diego continues on to the door.  _

_ “Are- Are we leaving?” Klaus follows him.  _

_ “No, I'm leaving, me by myself.” _

_ “Oh, fabulous! I'll get my things.” _

“Do you just not listen, or are you just ignoring-” Diego started. Klaus shrugged dramatically. 

_ Diego gets in his car, tossing his bag into the passenger seat.  _

_ Klaus skids to a stop near the car and climbs into the backseat, startling Diego.  _

Diego groaned. Wherever he was going, Klaus was gonna be there now. Wonderful. 

_ “Hey! Diego. You know, every time I close my eyes, I see a diarrhetic hippo about to shit on my face. It's terrifying! Terrific.”  _

_ Diego rolls his eyes and starts the car.  _

_ Klaus shuts his eyes and opens them again. “No! No.” _

_ “Lean back.” Diego tells him, apparently having accepted Klaus’ presence. _

Diego groaned again. 

_ The scene cuts to Griddy’s. Five pulls up and walks in. No waitress- he sits at the counter.  _

_ A moment later, an older man enters and sits next to Five, who glances at him almost suspiciously.  _

Five’s eyes narrowed and he intently watched the screen. Sure, lots of useless shit had already been shown, but this must be important. Him just getting coffee would be boring and useless. Something was going to happen. 

_ Then Agnes, the waitress, enters.  _

_ “Sorry, sink was clogged.” She takes out a pen and notepad. “So, what'll it be?” she asks.  _

_ “Uh, give me a chocolate eclair.” the man requests.  _

_ “Mm-hmm. Sure. Can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?” She clearly thinks Five is the man’s kid.  _

_ Five scoffs. “The kid wants coffee. Black.” _

_ “Cute kid.” Agnes says uncertainly. Five smiles.  _

“Five!” Allison scolded. “Don’t use that smile.” 

The siblings had long referred to this particular smile of Five’s as his ‘makes-you-want-to-punch-it’ smile. 

_ “Okay.” She walks out.  _

_ Five sighs. “Don't remember this place being such a shithole. I used to come here as a kid. Used to sneak out with my brothers and sisters and eat doughnuts till we puked. Simpler times, huh?” _

Fay snickered. “Talking about going someplace as a kid when you look like a kid is a great recipe for weird looks.” 

Five huffed quietly. No, he was not pouting. He was… scowling. Because that was an unfair statement to make when he wasn’t used to looking like a kid. 

_ The man stares at him, looking alarmed. “Eh. I suppose.” he says uncertainly.  _

_ Agnes walked back with the eclair and coffee. “Here.” _

_ “I got his.” the man says, handing over some money. Five eyes him again.  _

_ “Thanks.” Five’s eyes catch on the logo on the man’s shirt. “You must know your way around the city.” _

_ “I hope so. I've been driving it for 20 years.” _

_ “Good. I need an address.”  _

“What address?” Reginald inquired. 

Five stared at him. “How am I supposed to know?”

“You’ll find out, and if you don’t put two and two together than I’ll tell you.” Fay said dismissively. 

_ Agnes has disappeared into the back.  _

_ Outside, armed men are watching a tracker.  _

“Five?” Allison asked, worried. 

“Damn.” Five cursed. “Thought there’d be more time.” 

_ The man leaves.  _

_ Inside, Five tucks a piece of paper into his jacket.  _

_ The mercenaries enter.  _

_ Five sees them in the bell.  _

_ “Hmm. That was fast. I thought I'd have more time before they found me.” he says as the men surround him.  _

“BEFORE WHO FOUND YOU?!” Allison and Diego yelled in unison. 

Five gave them a look. 

_ “Okay.” says the leader. “So let's all be professional about this, yeah? On your feet and come with us. They want to talk.” _

_ “I've got nothing to say.” Five replies, contemplating the bell and the nearby utensils.  _

_ “It doesn't have to go this way. You think I want to shoot a kid? Go home with that on my conscience?” _

Allison dug her fingers into the fabric of her seat. 

Five rolled his eyes. God, his siblings were acting like he couldn’t take care of himself. 

Okay, so they didn’t necessarily  **know** that he was a temporal assassin. Still. 

_ “Well, I wouldn't worry about that.” Five smiles at the guy. “You won't be going home.”  _

_ His hand closes around the butter knife as he teleports and stabs the leader in the neck.  _

_ “Istanbul” starts playing as Five brutally murders every last man.  _

It was at this point that Klaus started muttering something about hallucinations. 

“If you’re hallucinating baby Five murdering like six or seven men, then I am too.” Ben told him. 

_ Stabs one in the eye with a pencil.  _

_ Uses  _ _ his own tie _ _ to strangle another.  _

_ Teleports about with impunity.  _

_ Stabs one with a broom.  _

_ Teleports out from between two who end up shooting each other.  _

“Oh my God.” Patch said, looking like she was in shock. Sure, she was a police officer. But this, this was a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD KID who happened to be her ex-boyfriend’s missing brother, brutally murdering seven trained mercernaries. 

“It gets worse.” Fay stage whispered, thinking of Five cutting his own arm open and pulling out the tracker. 

_ Then he breaks the neck of one man lying on the ground and leans on his legs for a moment, panting. _

“Jesus.” Beaman mumbled. 

_ He picks up the tracking device and studies it.  _

_ A moment later, he’s sitting at the counter, right sleeve rolled up, device on the counter next to him, a knife in his left hand. He presses it against his skin and cuts in, before sticking his fingers into the wound and pulling out a small tracker.  _

“FIVE!” every last one of his siblings shrieked. 

“WHAT?! FOR GOD’S SAKE WHAT!” he screamed back. 

“You better at least go home and let Mom handle fixing that up.” Allison warned. 

Fay snickered quietly, lowering her hand from where she’d been covering her eyes. She really really hated this part along with the part where Five STUCK A FUCKING PROSTHETIC EYE INTO A MAN’S BLOODY EYE SOCKET and then FUCKING REMOVED IT AND KEPT IT. 

_ Then he walks out of Griddy’s, straightening his tie, and drops the tracker into a puddle on the ground.  _

_ The scene cuts to Diego, holding a small metal object.  _

“Hang on a second-” Luther started. 

_ Luther’s voice echoes: “Do you ever remember a single time that Dad wasn't wearing his monocle?” _

_ “Yoo-hoo, Diego!” Klaus calls from the car. “I hate to rush you through any kind of brooding moment you might be having, but come on, man, we're starving!” He sits back, inhaling. “I'm craving… eggs.” _

_ There’s a dark figure in a hood sitting in the backseat with him.  _

“Hey, who’d you let into my car?” Diego demanded, looking pissed. 

Klaus blinked before recognizing that Ben with his hood up was likely a somewhat unfamiliar sight to his siblings, who also didn’t believe that Klaus could even see Ben. 

_ “No! Wait, it's too late for eggs. Waffles. Huh?” Klaus looks at the other person. “You like waffles, right?” _

_ The person nods, eyes briefly opening, and words appear- ‘Number Six “Ben”’.  _

“Ben?” Vanya whispered. She looked at the empty space next to Klaus. 

Reginald sat forward, eyes narrowing. If Number Six could appear to Number Four even when Number Four was excessively high, than… what did that mean? 

Allison, Luther, and Diego all stared at the screen, eyes wide. 

“Wait, you really have been seeing him this whole time?” Diego asked. 

“Yeah, and I’ve told you so.” Klaus huffed. 

“You can’t see ghosts when you’re high.” Luther said dismissively. 

“Well, Ben is particularly stubborn.” 

_ “Of course you do. Everyone likes waffles.” Klaus says.  _

_ Diego’s grip on the monocle loosens and it falls into the harbor with a splash.  _

“Diego!” Luther turned on his brother. “Why do you have it?” 

“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!” Diego shouted back. 

“Number Two!” Reginald was furious. It wasn’t every day you got a magic monocle, after all, and the monocle’s properties were priceless and completely inimitable. 

“Why are you so pissed?” Diego demanded. “It’s just a worthless piece of shit!” 

“It is not!” Reginald hissed. “The monocle’s properties are priceless, and COMPLETELY inimitable.” 

“What fucking ‘properties’?” Diego snarled. “What fucking ‘properties’!” 

Reginald did not answer.

_ The cop radio on the hood of the car crackles.  _

_ “Gunshots reported on the 400 block of Milton Avenue, Griddy's Doughnuts.”  _

_ Diego turns and walks back to the car, grabbing the radio.  _

“Oh great, you’re gonna invade another crime scene.” Patch groaned. It was easier to cling to this than to think about ghosts and monocles. 

_ “Diego, thank you for joining us, we have decided on, drum roll, waffles.”  _

_ Ben is still visible for a moment, but when Klaus sits back, the camera follows from outside, and Ben vanishes.  _

Several people shivered. Creepy. 

_ “I'm gonna drop you off at the bus stop. I gotta get back to work.” Diego says, adjusting his rearview mirror and putting on his mask.  _

_ Klaus sounds a little bit upset when he speaks. “What, breaking bones and cracking skulls?” _

Diego winced. Oops. 

_ Diego chuckles. “Saving lives, baby.” _

Patch sighed. 

_ “Well, I guess it's frozen waffles again.” Klaus says to Ben. Diego adjusts the mirror again, and there’s no sign of Ben in the reflection. “Yeah, I could do egg and bacon, but I'm trying to cut down on my pig products.” Klaus says in a low voice, still addressing Ben.  _

“Weird.” Klaus said. “Ben’s always in reflections when I look at them.” 

“That’s because you can always see me, idiot.” Ben replied. 

“I’m not an idiot!” Klaus protested, and everyone stared at him again. 

_ Diego dismisses it and starts his car.  _

_ The scene cuts to Vanya, unlocking her door.  _

_ She enters her apartment, starts to close the door-  _

_ A light clicks on. She whips around. Five is sitting in her living room.  _

_ “Jesus!” Vanya gasps, closing the door.  _

“You could wait outside and knock!” Vanya protested. 

Five rolled his eyes. “Why should I?” 

_ “You should have locks on your windows.” Five replies.  _

_ “I live on the second floor.” _

_ “Rapists can climb.” _

“But are admittedly unlikely to.” Fay pointed out. “Why climb an apartment building if you aren’t Spider-Man?”

“Who’s Spider-Man?” Five asked. Everyone else looked equally confused. 

Fay stared at them. “Oh, my God, you don’t know who Spider-Man is, he’s only one of the most famous superheroes in my world.” 

“Your world?” Reginald asked. 

“My world of origin. There are many universes, after all. I’m not from your world, and I must admit I’m quite grateful. I  **like** smartphones and Marvel movies and stuff like that.” 

_ “You are so weird.” Vanya sits on the couch. Freezes, looking at Five’s collar. “Is that blood?” _

_ “It's nothing.” Five dismisses.  _

_ “Why are you here?”  _

_ “I've decided you're the only one I can trust.” _

_ “Why me?”  _

_ “Because you're ordinary.” Five sees her flinch and amends his statement. “Because you'll listen.” _

Vanya lowered her head, sighing. Why would anything change? Even Five dismissed her as ordinary far too often. 

_ “Okay.” _

_ Vanya gets some medical supplies, skimming over her bottles of pills. Returns and starts treating Five’s right arm, the one he cut the tracker out of.  _

“Why are my pills shown so often?” Vanya asked. 

“You’ll find out by like, Episode Five.” Fay replied. 

_ Five watches her. “When I jumped forward and got stuck in the future, do you know what I found?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” he says. “As far as I could tell, I was the last person left alive. I never figured out what killed the human race, but I did find something else. The date it happens. The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.”  _

Reginald nodded to himself. 

_ Vanya stares at him wide-eyed. “I'll put on a pot of coffee.”  _

_ Credits.  _

“Next episode is entitled Run Boy Run, after a very good song.” Fay said. “The other episodes are in order: Episode Three,  Extra Ordinary -”

Vanya flinched. 

“Episode Four,  Man on the Moon -”

Luther jumped. 

“Episode Five,  Number Five -” 

Five stiffened. 

“Episode Six,  The Day that Wasn’t . Episode Seven,  The Day that Was . Episode Eight,  I Heard a Rumor -”

“But I swore off using my powers!” Allison protested. Fay gave her a severe look. 

“Episode Nine,  Changes , and Episode Ten,  The White Violin .” 

Five frowned. ‘Violin’  **had** to be in reference to Vanya, right?

Fay smiled cheerfully. “Shall we continue?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry this wasn’t out last week. It would have been earlier this week, but I was finally finishing another Watching the Show fic that I wrote for Stranger Things (after over a year!), so it took a little longer. Also, I’m headed into summer break, so expect updates to slow down unless my parents let me use the home computer to write fanfiction, which is unlikely.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter we start with the show! Please let me know what you think! (PS I can be found on tumblr @cassandra-starflower)


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